Letter to the President

To The Honorable George W. Bush,

I’ve generally been pleased with your performance as President of the United States. While I have many disagreements with your social and economic policies, I am 100% behind you on foreign relations policy (pursuit of terrorists). If we are not safe here in our own country, there is no point in debating policy on any other issue.

After September 11^th, I, like many Americans, retain an almost uncontrollable anger toward peoples and societies who would destroy us. I have never been as proud to be an American as I am today. Watching a small event you participated in just after September 11^th confirmed that we live in the greatest country ever conceived. The event I recall is when you threw out the first baseball at the third game of the World Series. Wow, I still get chills thinking about it.

However, today I am deeply disappointed in you, or maybe it is your handlers. You visited Phoenix yesterday and made a huge impression as you always do. I teach at Maricopa Community Colleges but found out too late you were coming and was unable to get invited to the event. While I am disappointed about this, it pales in comparison to why I am upset.

Your handlers had you driving through Phoenix at rush hour and closed ALL the major freeways to allow you to do it. What sort of insensitive assclowns close down ALL the freeways through the fifth largest metropolitan area in the country so ONE man can drive across town. If this were LA it would be a different story. LA has a plethora of freeways and surface streets. LA even has *gasp* left turn lights, a phenomenon wholly unknown to the engineers in Phoenix.

Forget that roving gangs of Mexican thugs who you want to legalize (aka amnesty in any other language) are having shootouts on our city streets. Just go ahead and shut everything down so you can go out and have a taco with Pacho. It’s a good thing you speak Spanish as the hundreds of thousands of ILLEGALS here refuse to speak English.

I’m just wondering? Did you go to the restroom while you were here. No, I mean, did you go outside and piss in the alley like so many of the uneducated, disease ridden ILLEGAL filth who run across our unprotected borders do? Did you wear your TB mask when meeting with those ILLEGALS at the taco shop. I fear for your health Mr. President as many of the ILLEGALS are carrying multi-drug resistant TB. If you bump into one while here, just drop them off at any hospital and the taxpayers of Maricopa County will gladly pay for their free care.

Well God-Bless you Mr. President, I hope this finds you healthy and far from the border. And please, next time you are here, use the DAMN HELICOPTER to get around. And the next time you are here, consider meeting with me, a hard working, tax paying citizen of the USA. I would love to have you over for dinner and a chat. Oh, and bring the Misses.

Sincerely,

Azygos (Still stuck in traffic 24 hours later)

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