MRI Daze

I have been a little preoccupied with work and other fun and sundry things the past three weeks. Today I was wrapped like a Christmas turkey and put in the human size Easy Bake Oven. I’m speaking of course of an MRI machine. I had the distinct pleasure of having three done today.

It’s not the easiest procedure for one to endure even if you are not claustrophobic but add a little bit of paranoia and it’s an exercise in modern medical torture. Even before the darned thing started its maniacal clanking and clunking I could feel a flush of my skin and sweat began to pour from my pores, and I’m not claustrophobic. After being strapped and wrapped to the table I was guided into the tunnel by the caring technician. The process reminded me of when I assisted a mortician in guiding a casket into the furnace for cremation.

The tech came over the loud speaker and told me the first segment would take about 2 ½ minutes. The machine clanked to life and about two minutes later it stopped. She then said the next segment would take about 7 to 8 minutes. The machine again sputtered and clanked and I sweated through the first MRI. When the first one was over I was freed and they reconfigured the machine. That took about three minutes and they were ready for the second and third test.

I was once again strapped and wrapped like a newspaper ready to throw into the fireplace and was guided into the tunnel by the tech. I was told the next two tests would take about a total of 15 to 20 minutes to complete. The techs voice came over the loud speaker and told me it would be a two minute segment. I tried to focus elsewhere but when you are lying in a coffin with your shoulders rolled inward just so they can stuff you in the machine it gets pretty hard. It was a very long two minutes.

The next segment was to be about five minutes. It seemed to me the length of time the machine clunked away was far longer than the stated time. On and on it went like that. I began to think this particular type of hell was never going to end. My throat was so dry I couldn’t swallow. I wanted to give a good hard cough to clear some phlegm but I didn’t want to jiggle myself and cause them to repeat a portion of the test.

When it was finally over I retrieved my watch and other personal items. As I walked out I looked at the time. Subtracting the three minutes for them to reconfigure the machine I had been in it for 47 minutes for the second and third tests. I wanted to tell the tech that lying about the time it would take for the tests really didn’t help me. Oh well, maybe it helps others. Hopefully I’ll never have to get another one of those tests again. But you know what happens when one says never.

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